66)  132               1674

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And to put an End to my life, onely the lord has helpt me to seek to him to help

me against such temptations: I doe Earnestly beg the prayers of Gods pp y^t

the lord would deliver me from y^e power of Sathan, & y^e corruptions of my own

heart, that I may both hate & be delivered from vayne thoughts: I have

thought ther is none that hath soe vile a heart as I w^ch is soe continually

Sining against God: I have thought it wonderfull mercy, that though I have

Soe forsaken God, he should be pleased to use any mercy with me to bring me back

And that though I Slighted the ordinance w^ch passed upon me that yet y^e lord

Should be pleased to make me Sensible of the waight of it, & to doe me good by

it I hope in some measure

Hearing that Scripture mentioned in y^e ministry 3 Jer 12 13 turn y^e backslid

ing children & I will not cause mine anger to fall upon thee for I am gracious,

& mercifull sayth the lord &c. onely acknowledg your transgressions. The lord

Therby gave me some hope that if I would turn unto him, he would not cause his an

=ger to fall upon me; & ye lord stird up my heart to beg of him to turne me who

could not turn myself: And being in much fear of mine own heart least I

should goe back again to my own ways, God brought that 32 Jer 40 to mind

I will put my fear in your heart, that you shall not depart from me: alsoe 14

Hoseah 1. 2 this place did much affect my heart, that though I had fallen by

my iniquity from God, that yet he should be pleased to call upon me to return

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I have seen & doe se cause to justify God & the church in y^e censure that has

passed upon me, & alsoe have found it in some measure needful for me that

the church did desire to receive me in again upon my first essay: And doe hum

bly desire the prayers of Gods pp that y^e lord would be pleased to pardon my sins &

cause y^m to be [?] before me to humble me; & would be pleased to keep me from the

evill of my own heart for the time to come & that y^r might appear fruits meet for

repentance.

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At the same time we had conference about M^r Shepard whether to call him in order

to settlement a 3^d year, not only the 4 brethren that dissented in y^e call for a 2^d year but

8 or 9 men appeared dissenting yet near half y^e church being absent by reason of the

badness of y^e whether we came to noe issue but deferred the matter to another oppor

tunity to y^e 15 Jan on fryday 2 a clock afternoon Then the brethren were desired to

speak their minds about renewing M^r Shepards Call, many spake earnestly for his stay

upon further tryall but against takeing office, those brethren who dissented from calling him

were very loath to speak Especially to give all y^e grounds why they could not call him

any longer when they mentioned y^t reason their inability to maintain 2 honourably as the

case required some made light of that objection who yet have appeared backward enough to

allow 70^£ per annum to S. P. w^ch in their way of paying is not worth above 40 in mony

when they were very urgent from for reasons why of he might not be called still to con

tinue in y^e work I did show y^m that soe many brethren dissenting we could not

proceed to incorrage him to stay amongst us for it might hinder his settling Els where

besides ther was noe such custom in y^e churches to call a minister in order to settlem^t

when (after 2 yeares tryall) ther appeerd soe many dissenting & that such a thing ought

not to be issued by a major vote we should therby swallow up the liberty of many

brethren who had like liberty w^th y^e major part in y^e choise of a minister besides as

the practise of those churches was otherwise to their principles & doctrine – M^r Cottens

way of the churches page 40[33] besides y^e Example provided in scripture in y^e choosing

                                            major

of deacons 6 Acts 5 y^e whole multitude (not a part as were alledged) agreed in chusing

out from amongst y^mselves deacons, when this was made little of & still they called

for further grounds I looked y^t I was bound in faythfulness to y^e nature of Christ &

the good of y^e flock to declare the 2 grounds why I could not consent in Encourraging

his call though y^e last year I did joyn in y^e vote of y^e major part in hope wee

should find him more fitted for soe great a work & therby those that dissented might

be won to concurr with y^e reste that desired his Continuance) but finding